I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
