But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
