hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
