Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
