He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
