Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
