Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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