walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
