I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
