I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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