So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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