Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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