My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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