Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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