I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
