I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
