i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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