I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
