i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
