Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
