This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
