I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
