wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
