dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had to cum in my sink.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
