he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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