As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
