why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
