Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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