Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
