would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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