well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
