and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
