There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
