guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
