Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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