what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
