end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
