Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
