if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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