plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
