I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
