didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
