Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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