come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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