yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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