He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
