when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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