i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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