That's intense
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
