It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
