Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
