I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
