I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
