A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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