I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
