im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
