i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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