Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
